A World War I hero was asked by a young girl: ‘Did you kill a German?’
The hero replied in the affirmative. ‘With which hand did you do it?’ enquired the girl.’
‘With this right hand.’ The girl took the hand and kissed it.
An officer who was watching nearby exploded: ‘ Man! Why didn’t you tell her you bit him to death?’
A swankily dressed and opinionated young man got into a noisy crowded bus. With a very superior air he remarked to the conductor: ‘You seem to have collected all the animals from the zoo in your bus.’
A passenger retorted, ‘Sir, not all of them were in the bus till you came. A donkey was missing.’
These are the suggestions on ways to keep an over energetic dumb blonde occupied:
A) Give her a piece of paper with PTO (please turn over) written on both sides.
B) Put her in a circle room and tell her to look for the corner of the room.
An American tourist lost his way in Bangalore (India). He approached two policemen and asked them for the direction to the airport.
He first spoke to them in English. They shook their heads and replied, ‘No, English,,,,,ne’
He took out his pocket book and put the same question in French. The policemen continued to shake their heads. He tried to ask them in German, Spanish and Russuan. His efforts evoke the same negative responses.
After the tourist left to seek assistance elsewhere, one policeman said to the other. ‘ We should learn some foreign languages so that we could be more helpful to these tourists.’
‘What is the point? ‘ replied the other policeman emphatically. ‘ This American spoke to us in 5 different languages. It didn’t help him to get anywhere.’
Two very drunk men were returning home on a scooter after a drink at the pub. On the way the pillion rider fell off while the other drove home.
When he got home he found his friend missing and decided to go back to find him. He found his friend sitting calmly in the middle of the road.
He dismounted and asked his friend,’ You, ok?’
‘I, am fine, replied his friend. ‘ It is very comfortable sitting on your bike. Keep going, I am doing fine.’
A man travelled all the way from Islamabad to Karachi to have an aching tooth taken out. The Karachi dentist asked him, ‘Surely you have dentists in your country? You did not have to come all this way to have your teeth taken out.’
‘We have no choice. In Islamabad we are not allowed to open our mouths,’ replied the man with the aching tooth.
A well dressed gentleman hurrying along the road was stopped by an acquaintance, ‘My friend,’ said the accoster, sotto voce, ‘ I must draw your attention to the fact that your fly buttons are undone.’
‘I know,’ replied the well dressed man, brushing aside his acquaintance, ‘ I am on my way to the income tax department to make a voluntary disclosure.’
Two peasants got into a heated argument over which is more important to mankind, the sun or the moon.
They put the problem to their village chief. The elders deliberated over the question for many hours before the village chief pronunced in favour of the moon very logically:
‘If there was no moon, we would not be able to see anything at night. The sun shines only during the day when we need no light.’
A sardarji is lying across the rail tracks with a bottle of whisky and a tandori chicken within reach. A passerby asks: ‘Sardarji, why are you lying on the rail tracks? A train may come any moment and runover you.’
‘Precisely!’ answers the sardarji. ‘My friend cheated on me and I have no desire to live any longer. I want to kill myself.’
‘But why is there a bottle of liquor and the tandori chicken beside you?’
‘Why not?,’, demands the sardarji. ‘You can’t rely on trains running on time any more. You don’t expect me to die of hunger and thirst, do you?’
Two men died and met in paradise.
‘What did you die of?’, asked one man to the other.
‘I died of hypothermia.And what about you?’
‘I came home one night and heard my wife talking to a stranger. I searched every corner of my house but could not find anyone anywhere. I felt so guilty about my suspicious behaviour that my heart failed?’
On this the other man said, ‘Had you cared to open the fridge, neither of us would have died.’
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